


Stealing Hearts

by GuestPlease



Category: Disenchantment (Cartoon 2018)
Genre: F/F, F/M, LMAO Bean and Pen are not really here, This isn't really a Disenchantment fanfic this is more of a fanfic of a fanfic, This shouldn't count as a new thing this is just me posting an old thing, wlw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:14:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25924204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GuestPlease/pseuds/GuestPlease
Summary: This isn't about a princess and her knight.This is about a whore and her thief.(Or: Magnhild can make Caoilfhionn happy, if she lets her.)
Relationships: Bean | Tiabeanie/Pendergast (Disenchantment), OFC/OFC
Comments: 4
Kudos: 2





	Stealing Hearts

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Cyntax_Error](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cyntax_Error/gifts).



Caoilfhionn was brushing her hair when she heard the window unlock. Acutely aware of the danger—after all, she’d shared this room with poor Tiffana before the incident—she spun around, trying not to show fear. She was going to go down getting this son of a bitch, and probably die trying, but… well, at least she’d go down fighting.

A figure appeared in the windowsill, and Caoilfhionn threw her hairbrush at it.  
“Ow!” A feminine voice whined.  
“What the hell?” Caoilfhionn said.  
A blonde woman poked her head in, a braided crown beginning to become undone. “…this isn’t my room.”  
“No, it’s mine, and I’m not working right now.” Caoilfhionn huffed. She couldn’t even get any _sleep_ , Jesus. And she’d lost her hairbrush now.

The woman pulled herself up onto the windowsill. “Where’s the Devil’s Brother Inn?”  
“You’ve missed it by about half a mile.” Caoilfhionn said. She had no sympathy for this woman. Even if she did have cute eyes.  
The woman groaned. “I hate this stupid town and its stupid maze-like layout. …your bed looks soft.”  
Caoilfhionn narrowed her eyes. “It is, but like I said, I’m off the clock.”

“What, you rent out beds?” The woman vaulted onto the floor of Caoilfhionn’s room.  
Caoilfhionn laughed, in spite of herself. “No. I’m a whore.”  
“Oh. As in ‘actually get paid’ whore, or ‘woman who’s had sex with more than one man’?”  
“Both.”  
“Oh.” The woman said again. “Well, I’m Magnhild. What’s your name?”

“Caoilfhionn.”  
Magnhild bowed to her—wait. Did she know? Caoilfhionn backed up a bit, as Magnhild said, “Your name is as lovely as your face.”  
“I don’t even have any makeup on.” She’d been getting ready for bed. A soft, frumpy nightgown, because it kept her warm, her hair undone… she looked a mess.  
Magnhild’s eyes didn’t leave her face. “So? Your eyes shine like stars, and your hair curls around your face so nicely… kind Caoilfhionn, please let me spend the night with you?”

“No, I’ve made all the money I need to, and I don’t work for free.” Caoilfhionn tried to turn away, but Magnhild softly grabbed her hand. “While I would _love_ to bury my face in between your thighs—”  
“That’s a gold Zog.”  
“I meant sharing your bed in a less sexual way.” Magnhild finished, before kissing Caoilfhionn’s hand.  
“I… that’s another gold Zog.” Caoilfhionn said, pulling her hand away.

“I would pay any price for you.” Magnhild said, her eyes still on Caoilfhionn’s.  
“You just met me. I could be the worst whore in Dreamland.” Caoilfhionn pointed out.  
“…I mean, is it a gold coin to spend the night here, or to kiss your hand? Because the prices seem like you’re an _excellent_ prostitute if either.”  
“Usually, men don’t come to kiss my hands.” Caoilfhionn said, sitting down on the bed. She patted it beside her, and Magnhild joined her.

“They should. You have lovely hands.”  
“You’re ridiculous.” Caoilfhionn scoffed. “…no boots in bed.”  
Magnhild brightened. “Maybe so, but I’ve been all around the world and I have never seen a woman as beautiful as you. One kiss would sate me for life.”  
Caoilfhionn burst out laughing. “I’m sure you’ve tried that on lots of women.”  
“Oh, I have. It usually works. Also, it’s usually a lie, but it’s not now.” Magnhild shrugged with a grin. “It’s odd, I usually prefer redheads, but you’re… captivating.”

“Captivating? Careful I don’t take you captive then.” Caoilfhionn teased.  
“Oh, would that be so bad?” Magnhild purred.  
“You know, I’m not usually the one blushing in my bed.” Caoilfhionn said as she blew out her candle.  
“Well, new experiences can be fun.” Magnhild said. “Good night, Caoilfhionn.”  
“Good night, Magnhild.”

When Caoilfhionn woke up, Magnhild was long gone. That was fine, she had work to do, and only a certain window in which to do it. More specifically, she had a certain amount of time before she was able to work, since if she plied her trade in daylight hours, she’d be whipped. She was smarter than that. …well, she also liked to think she was smarter than being in love with a man who wouldn’t love her back, but still.

She dressed normally and went and got something to eat, before returning to the whorehouse and getting dressed for the night. First stop, the taverns. She’d always be able to find a willing man there… whether he was willing when she went in or not. Okay, that phrasing sounded bad, but it’s more like… a suggestion. An edge on the competition. Just the idea that if they wanted companionship, she was there.

Unfortunately, there was a familiar blonde in the first tavern she checked, chatting with the princess. Caoilfhionn really, really didn’t want to hate the princess. It wasn’t her fault. Granted, she didn’t know what Isidore saw in her, but apparently Magnhild saw it too. Great. Wonderful.

That was when Magnhild noticed her, and practically vaulted over a table to get to her. “Caoilfhionn! Hi!”  
“Hi.” Caoilfhionn said back, too stunned for much else.  
“I like your make-up.” Magnhild said. “I still think you’re gorgeous without it, though. How much to talk to you for an hour?”  
“I could make… five gold in an hour.” Caoilfhionn lied.  
Magnhild let out a low whistle. “You really are an artisan, aren’t you? Fine, six gold.” She pressed the money into Caoilfhionn’s hand.

“But I only said five.”  
“Ah, but the other’s for your kindness and hospitality.” Magnhild said, drawing Caoilfhionn’s hand to her lips.  
Caoilfhionn didn’t pull her hand away this time. “You’re nothing if not persistent, aren’t you?”  
“Oh, undoubtedly. Some say it’s one of my best qualities.”  
That was when the princess finally made her way over. “Hi Caoilfhionn!”  
“Hi, princess.”

“I didn’t know you two knew each other.” The princess said to Magnhild.  
“What can I say, I’m innately drawn to beauty and poise.” Magnhild said, looking straight at Caoilfhionn. “As I must assume you are, princess, even if you did almost fuck Sven.”  
“Sven?” Caoilfhionn repeated, unaware of a third suitor jostling for the princess’ hand.

The princess grimaced. “It was a couple months ago… remember the Land Vikings?”  
“Vaguely.” Caoilfhionn said. She’d been there, just like everyone else. Unlike everyone else, she’d managed to escape before the massacre.  
“That was my idiot older brother. I’m here to fix relations.” Magnhild said. “So, since you’ve been personally victimized by us, it’s up to me to change your mind.”

Caoilfhionn laughed. “From the sound of it, it sounds like the princess had a far larger problem.”  
“Nah, I dropped Sven through a hole.” Bean grimaced.  
“And made him drink dead squirrel water!” Magnhild cackled. “Oh, it made my week when I heard about it!”  
She clapped Bean on the back, and Bean nearly spat out her drink from the force of it. Caoilfhionn giggled despite herself, knowing it was awful.

Magnhild looked enchanted. “Do that again.”  
“No, I hate my laugh.” Caoilfhionn said. Her mother had always told her to hide it, God rest her soul.  
“It’s the most gorgeous thing I’ve ever heard.” Magnhild said. “Not that I didn’t enjoy your other laugh, but… this one is genuine and wild and _happy_.”  
Caoilfhionn shook her head. “You’re strange.”

“Ah, but I also bought an hour of your time, and I’ll fill it with awful jokes. Why did little Susie fall off the swings?”  
“Why?”C aoilfhionn asked, trying to force down the smile.  
“Because she had no arms. Knock knock.”  
“Who’s there?”  
“Not little Susie!” Magnhild laughed at her own really bad joke, and despite herself, Caoilfhionn giggled again.

Bean blinked at them. “I’m… going to go talk to Pendergast.”  
The day before, that would have pulled at Caoilfhionn’s heart, but you know what? Fuck him. He’d never bought an hour of her time just to make her laugh with bad jokes. She still… felt… for him, but now she wanted to stay.  
“Bye, princess Tiabeanie.” Magnhild said, eyes still on Caoilfhionn. “So, what did one wall say to the other wall?”  
“What?”  
“Meet-meet you at the corner!”

“That’s an awful joke!” Caoilfhionn protested, even as she grinned widely.  
“Oh, I know, I stole it from my sister in law.” Magnhild laughed.  
“Oh my God, you couldn’t even come _up_ with that joke?”  
“Nope!” Magnhild said brightly. “I once got into a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9. …I guess you could say the odds were against me.”

Caoilfhionn tried to force down the giggle. “And-and I guess your sister in law told you that one too?”  
“Oh, yes. It’s great practice for when she has children and I don’t. I can sweep in with a bunch of stolen jokes and steal the show out from under her as well.”  
Caoilfhionn shook her head. “And how do you know you won’t have children?”  
“Well, I’d figure if you wanted anyway, you’d have them by now.” Magnhild said. “Not for a lack of opportunity, I’m guessing?”

“That is very forward of you.” Caoilfhionn said.  
“Ah, my apologies. I’m still new to Dreamland customs. How much would it cost to marry you?”  
“10,000 gold.” Caoilfhionn said, making up a number off of the top of her head.  
Magnhild sucked in breath through her teeth. “Doable.”  
“You don’t even know me!”  
“I want to.” Magnhild said. “Besides, what a bargain. I’d get a lifetime of you in my arms, for the price of 83 days.”

Caoilfhionn quickly did the math in her head, and realized that Magnhild was right. “Ridiculous. I’m engaged to be married anyway.”  
“Oh? Who scrounged up the money so quickly?” Magnhild said.  
Caoilfhionn pointed across the bar to Pendergast, who was chatting with Bean.

Magnhild tapped her chin thoughtfully. “I could probably take him in a fight.”  
“Do _not_ kill him.”  
“I never said I’d kill him!” Magnhild said, aghast. “I’m not _Sven_. And tell me to leave, and I will.”  
“No.”  
“Then I will stay, and get the money to wed you. And then I will take you away from all this.”  
“I don’t need to be saved!” Caoilfhionn huffed.

Magnhild blinked. “…poor phrasing. I’m offering you a job on my ship. Or a farm. Or anything else, but you would be my wife and I would be yours, and no man would ever hurt you again.”  
“I wasn’t being hurt in the first place.” Caoilfhionn huffed.

“You threw a hairbrush at me last night, thinking I was an intruder.”  
“What would you have done to an intruder?”  
“Waited until they were on the windowsill, then kicked them out with my foot.” Magnhild replied happily. “But you didn’t even wait to see who I was, and you clearly didn’t mind _me_.”  
“I’m not going to marry someone I just met.” Caoilfhionn said, because that wasn’t the point.

“Ah, well, it’ll take a while for me to get the money, especially if I have to pay for your company all the while.” Magnhild said. “But on that note, I believe I still have more of your time, may we take a walk?”  
Caoilfhionn sighed. “You know that’s not usually what people pay me for, right?”  
Magnhild tilted Caoilfhionn’s chin up. “Oh, I know. But I want you to want me.”  
“Is that why you’re treating me like a lady?”  
“I’m treating you like a lady because you _deserve_ to be treated like one. You deserve the ideals of courtly love.”

Caoilfhionn pulled away. “Who have you been talking to?!”  
“No one.” Magnhild said. “Not about you, anyway.”  
“You think this is funny to-to throw who I was in my face?” Caoilfhionn continued, so caught up in herself that she couldn’t stop.  
Magnhild settled herself against the wall. “Are you done?”

“Are you, with this-this sick joke?” Caoilfhionn demanded.  
“I don’t know who you are, so I guess I’ll start. My name is Magnhild Einarsdottir, I am a captain of a ship, and occasional pirate.”  
Caoilfhionn twisted her skirt in her hands. “Caoilfhionn mac Murchada.”  
“Is that supposed to mean something to me? I’m not from here.”

“Neither am I. I’m from Loch Garman.”  
Magnhild let out a low breath. “Oh. I am so sorry. …do you want to go somewhere more private?”  
“Like where?” Caoilfhionn asked.  
Magnhild shrugged. “You’re more familiar with Dreamland. I don’t want to impose, and I don’t want your… fiancée… to come over here and fight me.”  
“Oh, I thought you said you’d win?”

“Well, I think the princess would be a bit upset if I killed her one true love.”  
Caoilfhionn grabbed Magnhild’s hand and pulled her out into a nearby alleyway. “You want to know why I reacted badly? My uncle was the king of Loch Garmand.”  
“Ah. I knew you were giving me a bargain with the dowry I needed, but I didn’t realize how much.”  
Caoilfhionn pushed Magnhild up against the wall. “This isn’t a joke. I’m not… it doesn’t _matter_ here, that’s why I’m a whore and Isidore is….”

“Oh.” Magnhild said softly. “I can’t compete, can I? Not if there’s any chance… ah, I realize my mistake now.”  
“Going after a woman who’s not interested?”  
“No, my wording. I don’t care about those two back in the bar. There are other bars, and other knights. There might even be other princesses. But there is only one you.”  
Caoilfhionn pushed harder. “You don’t know me!”

“Please let me.” Magnhild said softly. “Your hair shines like the night sky around the stars. Your eyes like the sea, but not just one part of it—the green of the algae blooms, the darkness of it during a storm, the blue around coral atolls… I wonder what it would look like, reflected back in your eyes.”  
“Beauty fades!”  
“Eyes don’t. Your sad, beautiful eyes, I want to see everything in them.”

Caoilfhionn pulled away. “You are the most ridiculous person I’ve ever met.”  
“But I’m not a liar. Not to you anyway, min prinsesse. And somehow, I get the feeling that you’ve never lied to me. I don’t mind if you’re a whore, I don’t even mind if you have someone else in your bed after we’re married. I just want to see you, in all your glory, grow old with my hand in yours.”  
“We just met.”  
“You keep saying that—it doesn’t matter!” Magnhild finally huffed. “What could you say or do or _be_ that makes me stop?”

“I could be a woman who could never fall in love with another woman.” Caoilfhionn scoffed.  
Magnhild raised an eyebrow. “Not with that attitude. I thought, being a woman with your profession, you might be a bit more open-minded.”  
“Did you do this on purpose?” Caoilfhionn hissed.  
“Nope.” Magnhild said cheerfully. “If I could have chosen someone on purpose, I would have chosen that knight that everyone’s making a fuss about, and then presumably turned it off again. I am pleased about how powerful you think I am.”  
Caoilfhionn slapped her. “This isn’t a _fucking_ joke.”

“I never treated it like one.” Magnhild said. “But fine. Clearly you want me to go, so I’ll go.” And with that, she strode away.  
Caoilfhionn didn’t see her again for the next few days. She knew Magnhild was there, Pendergast would gripe about her, all her rich clients apparently had _opinions_. Magnhild was brash, and loud, and far too fond of her own jokes, and crass. Princess Tiabeanie—who had apparently decided Caoilfhionn was her best fucking friend in the whole wide world—thought Magnhild was hilarious.

A small, selfish part of her wished Magnhild would just take Tiabeanie and be done with it. Except she didn’t. She didn’t know _what_ she wanted. Fucking Viking, coming in and ruining everything. It was already ruined enough, she didn’t need one of her constants being eroded. She was Isidore’s, even if he wasn’t hers.  
Wasn’t she?

She’d see them—her old love and her _new best fucking friend_ —walking through town, and somehow, her heart felt more at ease with it, the more and more she saw it. Let him chase his princess with a crown who’d never had to work a day in her life. …Besides that one day she’d heard about. And you know what, yes, she could see the appeal. Tiabeanie was fun, if a bit naïve. Isidore was certainly no man of the world himself. Let them have each other, and maybe having wouldn’t be as fun as wanting, but at this point, she didn’t even care. She had told herself she didn’t care for so long that it had come true.

But it still hurt to sleep alone in a room once shared. And the comfort that Magnhild had given her was not forgotten. Sweet, ridiculous Magnhild. How to go about finding her? If she was at the castle, Caoilfhionn would have her ways of getting in, but… no way to go about doing so without running into Isidore.

She sat on the edge of her bed, brushing her hair, just like that night weeks ago, planning how to get in without tipping off Pendergast. She heard a rustle at the window, and the fear of being murdered hadn’t abated. Once again she threw the brush, but this time, someone caught it. Magnhild hopped up onto the windowsill, a flower in her teeth, several huge satchels on her shoulders.

“Hello, min prinsesse! Do you greet all your suitors this way?” Magnhild said, taking the flower out of her mouth.  
“Only the ones that come in by the window.”  
“Oh, so just me, I’m guessing?” Magnhild said, holding the brush close. “I’m touched.”  
“I could just shove you out now.”

“You could! You very much could.” Magnhild agreed, taking the moment to hop in. “But don’t you want the gift I’ve brought you?”  
“A half-dead flower?” Caoilfhionn grinned, taking it anyway.  
“Incorrect, I just stole it from someone’s garden.”  
“Ah, your famed piracy coming into play, I see.”

“And I brought my dowry.” Magnhild said.  
“That was fast.” Caoilfhionn said as Magnhild dumped the satchels onto the floor.  
“Well, I may have raided Zog’s treasury.”  
“You did _what_?” Without her? Rude.

Magnhild laughed. “Well… I needed a lot of money quickly. It was either that or help the ah… happy couple get married. And believe me, I was very much planning that one, there were going to be fireworks, but instead, I settled for just tying them up in the basement next to the empty vault. According to Tiabeanie, it’s a position they’ve been in before.”

“You are _ridiculous._ ” Caoilfhionn giggled, and Magnhild’s face lit up.  
“Will you come with me? I may have to leave Dreamland. Right now.”  
“Yes.” Caoilfhionn said. “But first, I want to see what I’m getting into, being your wife.”  
“Well, it involves a lot of stealing things and running—” Magnhild was cut off by Caoilfhionn kissing her. It wasn’t gentle, it was searing and their teeth scraped against each other’s lips and tongues.  
“Yes, I’ll marry you.” Caoilfhionn said, before moving her mouth down to Magnhild’s neck.

“Mm… maybe we have time for a small break… ah!” Magnhild gasped as Caoilfhionn bit.  
“I don’t think we do.” Caoilfhionn said.  
Magnhild gazed at her with half-lidded eyes. “Mm?”  
Caoilfhionn ran around her room, grabbing things in a panic as the castle bells began to ring.

“Quick question, are we taking your bride price, or leaving it here?” Magnhild asked.  
Caoilfhionn shot her a Look. “Of course we’re taking it.”  
Magnhild grinned widely. “I knew I loved you. Then you must shoulder your own burdens, min prinsesse, while I shoulder the money again.”  
“Fine.” Caoilfhionn put the flower in her own mouth, grabbed her bag, and grabbed her shoes. Magnhild shimmied out the window with the gold, and Caoilfhionn dropped into her arms.  
“How are you this strong?” Caoilfhionn asked as Magnhild put her down.

“Oh, I’m pushing through _so much_ pain.” Magnhild said. “And you know, love, and rowing…”  
“Come on.” Caoilfhionn said. “I know a way to the harbor.” They ran through alleyways, hiding from passing horses and patrols.  
It almost worked, but… there was one very intelligent knight between them and the harbor.

“Caoilfhionn?” Pendergast asked, aghast. “What the hell are you doing here?”  
“Can I _please_ kill him now?” Magnhild muttered.  
“No.” Caoilfhionn hissed back, because he was still her friend, dammit. Louder, she said, “What are you doing here?”  
“The Viking stole the treasury funds!” Pendergast pointed out.

“And your fiancée!” Magnhild added helpfully. “My fiancée now, actually.”  
“What?” Pendergast said.  
“It’s a long story.” Caoilfhionn said. “A really long, boring story, but the long and the short of it is… oh my God there’s a massive Viking behind you!”

“What?” Pendergast repeated, turning to look. Caoilfhionn stepped closer, and pulled out a powder from her bag, then blew it in his face, before dancing back. His eye began to blink rapidly. “Lin… what… you… do…” He keeled over backwards.  
“Inspired, min prinsesse.” Magnhild said as they ran for the Viking ship. Magnhild tossed the money up, then helped Caoilfhionn and her bag up, before finally swinging herself up.

“Ah, now I can let myself feel pain. …why’d you have a knock-out drug anyway?” Magnhild asked, rubbing her arms.  
Caoilfhionn shrugged. “I use it when there are clients that… I don’t necessarily want to hold up my end of the bargain with. I just knock them out, and tell them that we fucked when they were out, and it was amazing, don’t they remember? Works like a charm every time.”

“You’re so smart.” Magnhild said, genuinely in awe of her as the ship pulled out of the harbor. “…do you happen to have any salves in there?”  
“No, but I’m sure there’s something I could rub into you in the captain’s cabin.” Caoilfhionn purred, sliding her hand into Magnhild’s. Magnhild grinned, and they were about to head for the cabin when Magnhild pulled her into a long kiss. This one started out entle, but quickly became passionate again, their hands tangled into each other’s hair and pulling each other ever closer.  
Magnhild pressed her forehead to Caoilfhionn’s after they parted. “I love you, min prinsesse. Now and forever.”

“Now and forever, my pirate.” Caoilfhionn repeated.


End file.
